Boys and their Toys..

For most people, there is a general idea that sex toys and all the pleasure that comes with them is reserved for women. Some people have ventured out of that mindset and discovered the benefits of male sex toys as well, but for the vast majority of sexually active males - this isn't the case. Let's talk boys toys, they're really not that scary...

Don't be scared...

The idea for this post came from what I plan to write about a little later on in the week, which is a review of one of Mr. S's toys. I feel like in a society where talking about sex is open and widely accepted, male sex toys are still treated as a taboo by what I would call the vast majority of sexually active adults. If we compare this not only to the huge market that exists for female sex toys, but also to the enormous representation of girly sex toys in porn compared to boys' toys, it's not surprising that a lot of people are completely in the dark or rather nervous when it comes to toys for men. 

This subject actually began to interest me quite a lot the more I thought about it, which is why I've decided to dedicate a whole post to the 'debate'. I had a little look around to see if I could find anything else that had been written about it, and I'll post the links at the end if any of you are interested too. 

It's not all creepy blow-up dolls...

I'm still trying to figure out a few more reasons why this sex-toy-inequality exists, and here's what I managed to come up with...

'Is there some sort of expectation for men to be able to have enough sex that there is no need for toys... and hence if a guy did need a toy for stimulation it's almost considered a last resort?' 

THIS is what guys don't need!

Obviously that idea is horribly dated and sexist for 2 reasons. One is because if we can say men should be able to have enough sex with real life partners instead of a fleshlight, we should also consider it not only 'okay' but actually an expectation for women to have enough sex with guys or girls or whoever they damn well please without the need for a rabbit. The other reason is because it implies that sex toys sole purpose is to provide pleasure when we can't manage to get any - but that's just bullshit. 

Girls; please put your hand up if you have a boyfriend/are in a long-term relationship/ are engaged/married.

Now put the other hand up if you own a vibrator or dildo or for that matter, any sex toy.

And I bet you we are all sitting with two hands in the air. (It can't just be me...)

I know it's not just me ;)

But I guess even though the concept is dated and quite frankly just a bi-product of the 'lad-culture' we have become so accustomed to, it is in our society's blood to expect guys to get around more than girls and for our feminine pleasure to be enjoyed in private (because we're oh-so-demure and reserved). Hence the thought that they wouldn't need a toy for themselves - it just makes them less of a lad.

'The advent of male sex toys is a relatively new concept compared to the ancient history of women providing themselves with pleasure because... well because we can.'

Here's one that's a little less contradictory, as it's undeniable. Where a sex toy company has numerous ranges of toys for women, you can find the odd few designed for men. There is less choice and undoubtedly less assurance of the quality and effect - simply because the use of these toys isn't yet widespread enough to provide solid evidence of their worth. 

I think I have a vague memory of being about 14 and scouring Ann Summers with school friends just for shits and giggles (life was so carefree!) and we came across a Fleshlight. If you don't know what I'm referencing - which would be fair enough because nobody pays enough attention to manly toys, CLICK HERE to go on a world of discovery. (Note: it looks like a torch and is black and big and manly but has a fake vagina in it. NSFW.)

...for your boyfriend.

But what I'm getting at it that that's the only one I remember seeing for men. Obviously there's a chance I don't remember everything I looked at in pure awe and at some toys, fright, but to be honest some of the cock rings nowadays look much more threatening than a torch so I feel would have been more memorable.

The concept is simple; male sex toys used to only be a small market for those few kinky misters in the know, and is only now breaking through to the mass market. For a comprehensive beginner's guide to male sex toys, visit lovehoney HERE. 

'Are we to blame? As humans, we are often quick to attach labels to things we don't understand. Do we women have a sense of authority about sex toys? Are they 'our' thing?'

Have a little think about that one, girlies. Be honest with yourself for a second and consider how you'd react to a guy going to his drawer of boxer shorts before you're about to get naughty and whipping out a butt plug or vibrating cock ring. I'm not in any sort of position to make sweeping judgements, but I have a hunch that a lot of us would freak out before we grinned back at him and squealed with glee and we clapped our hands together. Myself included! A few years ago it definitely would have overwhelmed me simply because it wasn't something I had ever experienced before. 

What lead to me buying my man a sex toy for his birthday then? 

Be brave and try something new.

It was a risk, and I was actually really nervous about giving it to him. I considered sending it back! But because we'd explored some anal play before, I sneakily made us browse lovehoney.com once together, and clicked on male sex toys ("Ooh, I wonder what kind of stuff they have...") and watched his reactions to things I suggested. I don't know if he thought I was just having a conversation or if he knew my game but it ended up going well, he appreciated the present and the birthday sex was not only great but something new for both of us! I don't know about anyone else and maybe I'm a soppy one but it means a lot to me, still having firsts with someone when you've both had previous partners. 

This has turned into my stream of consciousness a little bit so I apologise if some of reads like I'm speaking onandonandonandon. 

What do you think about this whole thing?

Love, Blair. xo

p.s. have a read! http://affect3d.com/editorial/men-sex-toys-21st-century-taboo/